Yooo , man . Is it cool if I like , stay at your place ? Just for a while . Just need to get back on my feet . Is that coolheaded .. ? In honour of Labor Day , Get this person out of your home .
Okay . This jerkoff ’s been on your lounge for long enough . I do n’t handle if it ’s days , weeks , or calendar month — it ’s long enough . Time to fume ’em out . you may stick friends ! Just conceive of him as an occupying army . You ’ll tug him out , some tense time will pass , and then you ’ll be unspoiled of acquaintance as trade partners in a few decennium . The first method ? Psychological war . Mount this meowing qat clock above the couch — it ’s so pretty!—and observe as his cranium is slowly eroded by the birdsong of various furry felid beasts . It begins . $ 14
So he ’s still vex around ? Fine . Let ’s release it up a bit . I personally bang Rebecca Black , both as an artist and as a knock-down new womanhood , but the rest of the human population seems not to . So spend $ 2 on her two MP3s , and have ’em blare . They ’ll sound off . But it ’s your “ new favorite birdsong , ” and more importantly it ’s your speaker system . So they ’ll have to put up with it . $ 2
You know what ’s really uncomfortable ? Watching porn with a friend . You know what ’s even more uncomfortable ? watch hardcore erotica in 1080p . Take your pick of some dirty Blu - ray discs , and learn as duple penetration gradually leads to single occupancy . Various Leontyne Price
You jazz what really grosses out a node ? see all of the dandruff , cum , swither , and various other corporeal releases spread out all over their sleeping after part . determine up this 18″ blacklight tube near your unwanted friend ’s layer , and wait for the revulsion . $ 20
Okay , you ’ve try some gentle approaches . You ’ve tried annoyance . It ’s clock time to fucking crack down . It ’s time for draconian measures . It ’s meter to be a cock . It ’s time to lock the fridge . “ Dude , why is there a lock on the fridge ? ” “ Oh , I dunno , just a affair I do now . ” “ Well , can I have the key ? I ’m hungry and need solid food to outlast . ” “ Nah . ” $ 25
At the end , you might just have to swallow , adjust your lid , and put a transonic grenade under your lounge . The piercing , 115 decibel blow will rock their neurons , make their eye bleed ( figuratively ) , and , we desire , force them to take the hint . The hint is : please find a Modern place to doss down or I ’m going to keep waking you up with this 115 dB alarm . eff you , buddy ! $ 8
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